I have a confession to make: I have no idea what I’m doing.
Sure, I’m geeking out and learning like crazy. Books on writing line up on my Kindle like an auntie’s Precious Moments collection. Some credit their author’s skill by being helpfully hilarious. Others give solid scholastic advice. I’m forging ahead, gleaning wisdom, and conquering chapters.
Stepping off my beaten path, I joined Instagram. It happens to be awesome. Who knew? Everyone else, right? Now tell me why I should start Twitter. I’ll listen.
I’ve wrestled and fought with words, held up my end of the dream the Lord put on my heart in April: one blog post a week. This will be #12.
I thought it would get easier as I went along.
But still it happens. Every time I put my words in this space.
It’s like the moment I walked onto the field at Family Camp and saw my firstborn being hoisted higher and higher, the intersection point of three ropes. Wow. That’s my girl up there so brave.
Then two ropes let go.
My heart leapt to my throat as she fell. I thought I was witnessing her death. But the last rope caught her in a beautiful, life-giving arc. She swang. I began to breathe again, realizing that was the plan all along.
This writing thing? This is my “Do Hard Things” thing. It takes major effort to lift and pull words off the ground. Editing bingo is a compulsive pastime; I lay ideas on the board and look for patterns, praying for connections to bridge the gap between what the Lord is doing in me and what might encourage others.
Then there’s the transparent moment of publication—when the only thing to hold onto is the Lord’s goodness. Freefall, where his truth alone turns the splat into an upward arc.
I want you to like my words because I want you to like me. But those ropes don’t hold.
And I realize this was the Lord’s plan all along. How better to know his heart than to learn to let go of everything else? Stats of my site views and visitors. Likes and comments on Facebook. The little red hearts on Instagram. I cherish each one.
But the only support that can hold the weight of who I am is Him. He’s the one who changes my falling into flying.
I love words like my boys love legos. I get lost for hours in their colors and shapes, trying to create something special. At times, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, spending so much of myself on what doesn’t come easy. Does it make a difference?
A friend messaged me a giddyup the other day, screenshots from Jen Hatmaker’s latest, Of Mess and Moxie.
“Doctors put in the work to be good doctors. Teachers do the work to be phenomenal teachers. Budding creators cannot imagine themselves beyond the need for development or unworthy of the investment, paycheck or no paycheck. Worry less about getting recognized and more about becoming good at what you do. Take yourself seriously. Take your art seriously. You are both worth this.”
Does it make a difference? Does beauty or struggle, obedience or surrender in any area of our lives matter to the one who sees and supports it all? I have to say yes. And if it pleases him, then all the rest is wonderful grace.
I may still not know what I’m doing, but I know the one who does.
Guess what just jumped to the top of my reading list?
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 NIV
Is there a struggle you are pressing through to engage a dream? Please leave a comment and share your story.
Swing Photo by Artem Bali on Unsplash
The Good News Family 
LOVE this Kris! I know how you feel because I’m totally there with you. I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing when I write and often wonder if it’s helping anyone anyway, yet I can’t deny the Holy Spirit tug on my heart to keep writing. He’s also told me to post weekly but I have not been as faithful as you. Way to go!! You’re doing awesome. Sometimes God has us do something we have no formal training in so all will know it was the Lord through us, all and completely the Lord. Keep writing my friend. You’re a blessing to many.
And you are certainly a blessing to me, Hilary, and so many others, I’m sure. Thank you for your encouragement. I will be praying for word anointing for both of us.
Yay for doing hard things (in public, I might add!!!!!). This space and your words will ripple out as the Lord takes our loave and fishes and feeds people we will never know about :).
Yes and amen, Amy Young. Thank you for being a major inspiration in the process. Your book “All the News That’s Fit to Tell” tops the hilariously helpful category.
What came to my mind is this…. should i spend so much time on something that doesnt come easy? Motherhood popped into my mind!!! We spend so much time being moms… investing our time and efforts. I certainly wouldnt say that is easy. But look at what and who comes out of our efforts!!
Wow. That is a powerful line of thinking. So very true. Yes, and amen. Thank you for widening my focus there.
“Worry less about being recognized and more about being good at what you do.” I absolutely love this. Exactly how I’ve been feeling as a new Christian blogger. Thank you!
Praying anointed words and grace-filled truth over both of us, PagesNPuddles. Thank you for reading and sharing.
First off, thanks for this encouragement. This was beautifully written and full of lovely reminders! It can be hard to keep the focus off yourself when you’re in a creative field. It feels like the creation is solely from us. And it can be. But if it is going to serve him, it has to come from him. For me, making it more of him and less of me really requires prayer without ceasing!
Second, you should TOTALLY join Twitter. Making contacts and sharing/having your content shared is of huge benefit and for some reason it happens the easiest on Twitter. It just flows! Jump in and I will be your first follower! ; )
Hahaha! I think I will, Rachel. Thank you for the encouragement and the validation. Looking forward to finding you there.
The business of writing makes horse racing see like a solid stable profession–John Steinbeck. That feeling of insecurity is hared by a many a writer every day as they face their computers–but in the end–you do a beautiful jobe of forming words out of fleeting thoughts. No doubt about it, lady.
Thank you, Marcia. Your validation and encouragement blesses me. I’m thankful for the impact your words have had on my life.
Thanks for sharing your feelings about this honestly. I feel this way so often and sometimes feel uninspired to write. I wonder if it has any effect on others and often feel like I’m making it up as I go along. It is so easy for creatives to be plagued by self doubt and to allow other distractions or discouragements to creep in. Also, it’s very easy to procrastinate and find everything else that is more interesting. While technically speaking, writing isn’t that difficult for me, the whole process with everything else involved can be rather difficult.
Thank you for your validation, Robert. I’m glad to be in good company, and appreciate your wisdom.
I love this. When God calls us to write, He doesn’t worry about stats and little red hearts. He just asks us to bear our souls for the world. And as we do, we learn so much about ourselves. It gives us a unique freedom only found in Him.
So true, thank you. Maybe one of these days I’ll get used to the extra gravity pull. 🙂